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Some Suggestions for How It Could Be
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THE RULE HOUSE
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Number One: Frequency. You can generally count on finding one Freelance Bicyclist post per day on occasion for a year, unless something’s too important to wait a whole day for. Also we will make exceptions if a small child or a helpless animal will suffer significant bodily harm because of a delayed post. That said, we will not be strong-armed into posting under duress or because of fear of the loss of someone else’s life. If someone has to die, then someone has to die.
Number Two: Who’s the Boss. You must be fucking kidding me. I’m not even going to answer that.
Number Three: Hills. Get real. You’re telling me with a straight face that you want to get tangled up with me on a hill? Pack a lunch, buddy.
Number Four: Gear. I love gear as much as the next guy. And by next guy, I mean my cousin Gerald Watson—I literally love gear exactly as much as Gerald Watson, which means I love gear a lot. But I don’t just want to know what kind of gear you’re working with, or riding on. No, I want to know how it makes you feel.
Number Five: How will we know if you’re doing okay? You won’t, you’ll just have to find out for yourself by reading the stories.
Number Six: Colleagues. If you are a freelance bicyclist yourself, then first, thanks for reading, and I hope to do you proud; second, goddamnit, somebody ought to buy you a drink and a lap dance. Otherwise, if you want more than that, I’d suggest getting your own fucking blog you piece of shit freeloader.
Number Seven: Contacting My Year As A Freelance Bicyclist. Want to contact us? You are more than welcome to get in touch with us via electronic mail. We are easily reached at freelance.bicyclist@gmail.com. Please, though, if you think of it, include the phrase “I’ll ride your frame” somewhere in the subject line to signify that you are a freelance reader. Thanks.
Number Eight: A photo summarizing the Freelance Bicyclist experience.
The Experience
