Hangs-A-Lot?
Dear Incline Village Bikes-A-Lot,
First of all, the very possibility of anyone being rude to me while working at a place called Bikes-A-Lot—or Anythings-A-Lot, really—is beyond absurd.
Second, I’m not speaking in theoreticals here. A member of your staff, a young man apparently named Dustin, had the audacity to suggest that because I only have one working eye this week (had a minor surgery, won’t go into details, but I’m wearing a patch) that somehow I’m not capable of riding my bicycle during this week’s 3rd annual Snow Rides-A-Lot event. Not just suggested, he boldly stated it—“Umm, sir, you can’t ride in Snow Rides-A-Lot with just that one eye. It just ain’t safe. Sir.”
Well, I never. What in the world does Dustin know about my depth perception? About my ability to navigate snowy streets? Nothing, that’s what. Dustin knows nothing. Little twit. That boy needs a father and an ass whoopin.
Third, really? That’s the name you went with? Snow Rides-A-Lot? What the fuck is wrong with you people? You’re the only bike shop within thirty miles, and probably the only shop in the country hosting a snow bike ride. Do you really need that branding of your stupid shop name? Can’t you do anything nots-a-lot?
Fourth, I stole some energy goo from your shop. Two ClifShots. They were right over by the door, and after Dustin offended and shocked me, I had to act.
Sincerely,
MYFB
